


Between the Lines

by sacredraisincakes



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 12:12:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacredraisincakes/pseuds/sacredraisincakes
Summary: Arthur always goes to Merlin for the in between times.





	Between the Lines

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the memory of a kmm prompt from years ago that I unfortunately can no longer find.

Merlin's mum had always worked nights. When he was younger, much too young to stay by himself, she had taken him with her, allowing him to sleep in an empty bed in her hospital wing. It wasn't until he was thirteen that she allowed him to stay home overnight by himself, and it wasn't until he was fifteen that he was allowed to have a friend overnight at the same time.

It was good that Merlin was now seventeen, because it was nearly midnight and he had a sobbing Arthur Pendragon crumpled on his bedroom floor.

Well, perhaps sobbing wasn't quite the right word for it. Moping and railing at the world more like.

“She told me she _loved_ me, Merlin,” Arthur slurred for the umpteenth time. “Why would she tell me that if she didn't mean it?”

“I don't know, mate,” Merlin replied for umpteenth time himself, gently prying the whiskey bottle from Arthur's fingers and taking a swig. It was nearly empty, but Merlin didn't dare leave Arthur to get more. His best friend was completely soused.

He hadn’t been nearly so bad when he showed up at Merlin's house just as Merlin was considering turning in for the night. The glossy gleam in his eyes had been only one part wine pilfered from his father's cellar and three parts broken heart.

“Sophia broke up with me,” he had croaked out, staring forlornly into the distance.

Merlin had never liked Arthur's girlfriend of the last six months, but he knew Arthur had, and that had always been enough for Merlin. So he hadn't really known what else to do other than to help his friend drown his sorrows in some pilfered booze of his own.

Like most of his life decisions, this was a poor one.

Arthur pouted now and stole the bottle back, downing the rest of the amber liquid. “Is there something wrong with me, Merlin? Am I not good enough for her?”

“Don't be ridiculous, Arthur.” Merlin shook his head emphatically, ignoring the way the movement left him slightly dizzy. “You're brilliant. More than brilliant. Sophia’s mad to ditch you like this.”

Arthur paused in his inspection of the empty bottle for magical reserves of liquor at the bottom. Instead he looked up at Merlin, an odd hint of… _something_ in his gaze. “You think so?” he asked softly.

“Well yeah!” Merlin assured him. If he'd been anywhere near his right mind he would have been embarrassed by how enthusiastic his reply had been. Would have reminded himself that his decade long crush on his completely straight best friend was meant to be a secret.  But Merlin was half a bottle of cheap whiskey from that point and he had always been a lightweight. “If I were-”

His foolish mouth never got to finish damning him before it was stopped up by the warm press of Arthur's lips. The kiss was fleeting, over before Merlin’s slowed cognitive processes could even register it happening. Then Arthur rocked back on his haunches, ducking his head as a dark flush covered his face.

“Sorry, I didn't mean-”

Merlin launched himself across the room, nearly tackling Arthur to the ground. His mate’s lips tasted like whiskey and salt, and beyond that Merlin thought he could taste the remnants of the pizza that of course Arthur would have thought was a perfectly romantic meal. The kiss was clumsy, too wet and too much teeth, but to Merlin it was perfect. Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, pulling him closer and giving as good as he got.

Arthur pulled back again, and for a brief moment Merlin panicked. He'd taken advantage. They were both drunk, far too drunk to be doing this. He shouldn't have started this, should have laughed it off and put Arthur to bed. But Arthur wasn't pausing to yell at him, or shove him away for not being a girl. Instead he fumbled with the button of Merlin's trousers, fingers clumsy from the alcohol.

Merlin died for a brief second, then moved to help him, dying once more when Arthur wrapped a hand around his cock. “Fuck,” he hissed, drawing Arthur back in for another kiss. “Fuck, Arthur.”

He managed to free Arthur from the confines of his own trousers and then it was just a few minutes of drunken moans and sloppy kisses before they both spilled. They flopped onto the floor, panting. Merlin's head was spinning from more than the alcohol.

Arthur rolled his head onto Merlin's shoulder with a sigh. “Thanks, Merls,” he slurred. “I needed that.”

Well fuck.

 

That's how it always went after that. Arthur would date some girl, usually one Merlin knew wasn't any good for him, they'd break up, he and Merlin would get pissed, and they'd jack each other off.

One time, after Mithian, it had been particularly bad. Mithian had been Arthur's father's “suggestion,” and the first girl Merlin had actually thought might work out after all. Mithian was smart and sweet and could shoot clays with more accuracy than even Arthur. Which was probably why Arthur had been even more devastated than usual when she broke it off.

Merlin should have known nothing good was going to come of this night when Arthur came back to their room in the halls already three sheets to the wind. “Mithy” was all he had to say for Merlin to know what had happened.  Praying that for once the drinking portion of the evening could be over now and he could get Arthur to bed without incident, he led Arthur over to his mattress and sat him down on the edge.

His mistake, he later realised, came when he helped Arthur remove his shirt, knowing Arthur quite liked this one and not wanting to risk it getting covered in vomit later.  “Wait two seconds, I'll get you some water.”

Arthur did not wait two seconds, or even one, before he wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist and pulled him in for a kiss.

Merlin blamed it on habit that instead of pulling away he allowed himself to be tugged into Arthur's lap, straddling his thighs. He could taste the alcohol on Arthur's breath, bitter and strong. Part of him wished that he'd had some as well like he usually would have by this point, but with Arthur's hands sliding down and squeezing his arse he supposed he'd settle for whatever contact buzz he got from Arthur's mouth.

Eventually Arthur flipped him over so Merlin was lying on Arthur's narrow bed, blanketing his body over him. But when he reached for Arthur's zipper Arthur swatted his hands away. Merlin paused beneath him. That was what Arthur always wanted, wasn't it?  Unless- Merlin usually wasn't sober enough to care that this probably wasn't a good idea. He always realised after the fact, that neither of them were fully in their right minds when he was “comforting” Arthur.  It hadn't stopped him, because Arthur always made it clear after that he didn't regret what they'd been doing. But it was different now, wasn't it?  Arthur was clearly not aware of what he was doing and who he was doing it with and as the stone cold sober one, it was Merlin's responsibility to take that sign and not push this further.

But then Arthur was pushing down Merlin's sleep pants and moving down Merlin's body to press kisses on his stomach, his thighs, the crease between his legs and his crotch.  Merlin's mind turned to mush as he realised Arthur had no intention of stopping things between them, but rather… and then he had no thoughts at all. It was hard to do so when his brain was being sucked out through his cock.

He had no idea where Arthur had picked up his skill, or if there was just some kind of special cock-sucking elixir in the liquor he'd been drinking all night.  Merlin moaned, far more loudly than he probably should have considering he knew very well how thin the dormitory walls were, but the sound just seemed to spur Arthur on, sucking and licking and playing with Merlin's sack with clever fingers. Merlin did his best not to buck into Arthur's mouth when his free hand found his hole, but he couldn't help it when a finger brushed his prostate. He tugged Arthur's hair in warning, but Arthur just swallowed him down, not pulling off until Merlin was completely limp under him.

He rose back up the bed to wrap himself around Merlin. Merlin could feel the damp spot where Arthur had come in his jeans.

He swallowed hard, and as Arthur drifted off into a deep slumber, he spent the night practicing his very best “Of course it didn't mean anything, I’ve already forgotten it happened” reassuring smile.

 

* * *

 

 

Later there might be a part of Arthur that knew his whole life had gone completely out of control, but at that moment he was buried balls deep in his best friend, fucking out every bit of grief and guilt and loneliness, and he was unable to care.

Gwaine had been pouring vodka shots down their throats all night, which Arthur could admit may have contributed to Vivian tossing her cocktail in his face at some point before he turned to seek out Merlin. Merlin was dancing with some bloke Arthur didn't know, but came easily enough when Arthur asked to leave.

That tiny little part of him wondered if it might have been that, the sight of Merlin grinding up against another man, that made him far more bold than he usually was, pinning him to the bed and attacking Merlin's mouth with far more possessive than he typically showed. 

“You're all I'll ever have, Merlin,” he panted into Merlin's ear as his friend babbled his pleasure incoherently. “You're the only one who'll never leave me.  Please, never leave me.”

“Never,” Merlin promised, the word transforming at the end into a scream as he finished, Arthur not far behind him.

But when Arthur met Gwen, he thought it was all over.

Gwen was everything perfect, and after they hit the one year mark -longer than any of Arthur's relationships had ever lasted before- he was convinced that she was it for him. He moved out of the flat he shared with Merlin and in with her. Six months later he was observing her closely any time they went out to the shops and subtly gathering hints from Morgana about her tastes in jewelry.

Around the time Arthur moved out, Merlin introduced his boyfriend to the group. Arthur hadn't even known Merlin had a boyfriend until then.  Will was nice enough, but Arthur couldn't help but get irritated any time the other man was near him. The feeling seemed to be mutual.  For his part Merlin was apparently oblivious to any tension, and Arthur tried to keep it that way. Mostly.

Then came the day Gwen told him she was leaving. It had nothing to do with Arthur, she swore, but her ex had come back, and Gwen had never stopped loving him. It wasn't fair to either of them to drag him along knowing she would always love someone else. She thought he would understand, after all.

After all what, she didn't say.

Arthur went straight to Gwaine’s, knowing he was always good for a spare bed and a barrel of booze. Gwaine did not disappoint, but somehow it didn't seem do anything for the gnawing pit in Arthur's stomach. Enough to make his head buzz, but nowhere near the mind-altering numbness he needed.

Around midnight, he slipped out of the guest room, knowing there was only one way to fix the ache in his chest.

“Don’t.”

Arthur froze with his hand on the doorknob. Turning, he found Gwaine sitting on the couch, shrouded in darkness.

“Fuck, Gwaine, you nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you doing out here anyway?”

“I didn't want to miss you.”

Arthur flushed, glad the shadows hid it from view. “I didn't mean it to look like I was sneaking out on you. I was just-”

“I know what you were doing,” Gwaine cut him off, voice steady. “I'm telling you not to do it.  He doesn't deserve this.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Arthur fought to keep his tone even.

“Don't, Arthur,” he repeated. “He’s in a good place right now.  Don't make him do this.”

“He's an adult,” Arthur snapped, not bothering to pretend anymore. “He can make his own damn choices.”

“Yes he can, and you and I both know he'll make the wrong one. He won't mean to, and you might not even ask him to, but he'll do it, and he'll do it for you.  Everything Merlin does is always for you. Why can't you just do this one thing for him, and let him go?”

 _Because I need him._  Arthur thought of the happiness on Merlin's face when he looked at Will. Arthur needed Merlin. But Merlin didn't need him. Maybe he never had.

Arthur sat heavily on the couch next to Gwaine. Gwaine wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It's the right thing, mate. You can get through this one without him.”

Arthur wasn't so sure about that, but he didn't argue.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until nearly a week later that Merlin found out Gwen was gone. He raced over to Arthur's, hurrying in with a hug the second Arthur opened the door.

“Morgana told me. I'm so sorry, Arthur. Are you okay? I brought some scotch, I know that's your favourite.”

Arthur stepped back, a strange look on his face. Merlin paused, confused. Usually Arthur would be all over him by this point. Scratch that, usually Arthur would have been all over him a week ago.

“You shouldn't be here. You're with Will.”

Yes, Merlin knew that. He did. “But you need me.  I promised you, Arthur, I won't leave you.”

Arthur winced, and took another step back. “Gwaine was right. This is all my fault.”

“Your fault what?”

“You're with _Will_ ,” Arthur repeated, looking pained. “Fuck, Merlin. Did you even think before coming over here?  Or did you just hear I was single and come running?”

Of course Merlin had thought about it. He always thought about it. Every time, before and after and in between. And he knew it was a betrayal to Will to even be considering this, but Arthur was his best friend, his... He would do anything for him.

“You need to leave, Merlin. And then I need to. Fuck, this is just… how did we get this fucked up?”

Arthur's anguish was quickly morphing into a kind of panic, and Merlin stepped forward again, meaning only to calm him down. Arthur grabbed him by the arms, holding him back.

“I can't, Merlin. Or I can, and that's the problem. I wouldn't even hesitate to fuck you over the sofa right now, and you would let me, and fuck the consequences.”

And Merlin would. It should terrify him, but he'd been in love with Arthur for so long that it was like he'd always known it would come to this, taking what he could get no matter what he had to sacrifice.

Arthur leaned in and finally kissed him, soft and sweet and nothing like it normally was between them. Merlin melted, but when he went to deepen it and pull Arthur closer, Arthur backed away again, an air of finality about him.

“You need to go back to Will, Merlin. You deserve more than me.”

 

 

Arthur closed the door on him without another word.  He couldn’t bear to look at Merlin’s confused and devastated face for one more moment without breaking.  His phone felt heavy in his hand as he pulled it out and pressed the call button.

“Hello, Father?  I’d like to discuss that offer to head up the new American branch…"


End file.
